Five Rules for Using Pronouns in Fiction Writing (Part II of II)

A few weeks ago, I threw out some reasons for and against using pronouns in fiction. This week, I'd like to explain a bit about how these are pros and cons.

If you'll recall, there are five reasons I came up with to use or not use pronouns in fiction writing. This post will discuss them in a bit more detail (although there are links for each pro and con in last week's post).

1. Don't confuse the antecedent.

Typically, "he" or "she" refers to the person last mentioned.

Joni gulped from her cup. She lowered it and stared at Kim.

"Her" and "she" both refer to Joni.

If we rewrite the sentence to say:

Joni and Kim sipped their drinks. She put it down.

Then we get confusion. Who is "she?" Is it Joni? Kim? Neither? In a situation like this, reuse their name. Or, preferably, rephrase the sentence(s) to clarify.

2. Don't overuse "I" in first person POV.

In first person point-of-view, the page can be a minefield of "I." Not only does it make the book seem unreasonably self-centered on the protagonist, it can be distracting from even the best plot.

Consider the example below, taken from one of my recent WIPs, which I've referred to throughout my blog as "StM."

In retrospect, I was lucky I'd held on to my phone so I could dig out Mother's address from the depths of my contacts list. I hoped, as I begged directions from a stranger on the street, that she'd not moved in the two years since I'd seen her.

This is a rough draft of a scene where my main character is lost in London and has just been pick-pocketed. She's finally decided to seek out her estranged mother. But while the focus is on the main character, it could be written better. 

A revision trying to minimize "I":

In retrospect, holding onto my phone was a lucky break. In the dusty layers of my contact list lay Mother's phone and address. After accosting a stranger on the street for directions, I headed north, hoping Mother hadn't moved in the past two years.

This shows how many "I's" you can eliminate if you try. I got it down from six to one.

3. Make sure you know how to use pronouns correctly.

This is one of those cons which can be corrected by grammar lessons.

Remember: the pronoun should agree in number and person with its antecedent noun, as well as clearly refer to the prior noun(s).

E.g.

Incorrect:
She grabbed the violin off the stand and raised them to her shoulder.

Correct:
She grabbed the violin and bow off the stand and raised them to her shoulder.

Or:
She grabbed the violin off the stand and raised it to her shoulder.


E.g.
Correct:
The airlines had assigned Adrienne a middle seat—in cattle class. Which meant she was directly in the center of the aircraft, smashed between a generously proportioned woman who seemed to have poured a perfume bottle all over herself before the flight, and two boisterous talkers on Adrienne's left—one of whom was a middle-aged, lecherous flirt with a propensity for airsickness.

The Adrienne's is not "her" because it would create ambiguity to use "her."

Incorrect:
The airlines had assigned Adrienne a middle seat—in cattle class. Which meant she was directly in the center of the aircraft, smashed between a generously proportioned woman who seemed to have poured a perfume bottle all over herself before the flight, and two boisterous talkers on her left—one of whom was a middle-aged, lecherous flirt with a propensity for airsickness.

Whose left am I talking about in the incorrect version? Adrienne's or the woman with perfume?

I'm not even going to get into the grammar lesson aspect of this, but here are some great websites if you are confused about pronouns.

Grammar: Proper Pronoun Usage 101

Grammar Girl: Generic Singular Pronouns

Grammar Girl: Pronouns and Antecedents

Grammar Girl: How to Use "Myself" and Other Reflexive Pronouns
Purdue Owl: Pronouns, Using Pronouns Clearly
Purdue Owl: Using Appropriate Pronouns, Appropriate Pronoun Usage

Pros

Intimacy:

Only reflexive pronouns used--

The airlines had assigned Adrienne Talbot a middle seat—in cattle class. Which meant Adrienne was directly in the center of the aircraft, smashed between a generously proportioned woman who seemed to have poured a perfume bottle all over herself before the flight, and two boisterous talkers on Adrienne's left—one of whom was a middle-aged, lecherous flirt with a propensity for airsickness.

Sighing, Adrienne strapped herself into Adrienne's own personal ninth circle of Hell and winced at the screech of an infant behind Adrienne. Adrienne leaned Adrienne's head against the leather headrest, feeling the press of the woman next to Adrienne and the lech's broad shoulders on Adrienne's other side, reducing Adrienne's seat to the size of a postage stamp. These types of plane rides were the worst for people like Adrienne, who had personal bubbles the size of Alaska.

Yikes! Does anyone else's blood pressure rise at the second paragraph? Every repetition of her name grates on my nerves--I don't even want to repeat it here! Let's check out the example using pronouns properly.

Using pronouns--

The airlines had assigned Adrienne Talbot a middle seat—in cattle class. Which meant she was directly in the center of the aircraft, smashed between a generously proportioned woman who seemed to have poured a perfume bottle all over herself before the flight, and two boisterous talkers on Adrienne's left—one of whom was a middle-aged, lecherous flirt with a propensity for airsickness. 

Sighing, Adrienne strapped herself into her own personal ninth circle of Hell and winced at the screech of an infant behind her. She leaned her head against the leather headrest, feeling the press of the woman next to her and the lech's broad shoulders on her other side, reducing Adrienne's seat to the size of a postage stamp. These types of plane rides were the worst for people like her, who had personal bubbles the size of Alaska.

Aids suspension of disbelief:

According to Dictionary.com, the suspension of disbelief is: "a willingness to suspend one's critical faculties and believe the unbelievable; sacrifice of realism and logic for the sake of enjoyment." Similar to intimacy, when proper nouns are used repetitively in a passage, the reader is distracted from the story and removed from it. Like "said," "he," and "she" are nearly invisible. The reader's eye skims over them, and they can often be omitted from the story entirely. This is why the current fiction trend is to replace a tag (he/she said) with an action (E.g. "I've been waiting for this." He slid his finger under the flap of the envelope.)

The Verdict:

Pronouns go a long ways in creating intimacy between reader and protagonist. However, the danger is in creating ambiguity in the antecedent. 


~I.E.

I hope this has helped explain why pronouns are the better choice. If you've found this useful, please give it a share!

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When to Use Pronouns in Writing Fiction, Part I

Pronouns in fiction are some of those "invisible" words that can create a lot of problems if not used correctly.

A lot of beginning writers seem uncertain when to use pronouns, and use them prolifically or rarely.  Before my overuse of proper nouns was pointed out to me, I'd never considered this subject. I didn't think I littered my manuscripts with unnecessary tags or names, and I tried to vary my sentences as much as I can, reducing such references to names.

However, since this had come up a couple of times, I decided it was time that I research the subject.

Here's some of the reasons I've dug up for and against using pronouns.

Pros:
Creates intimacy with the reader (link here)
Aids suspension of Disbelief (link here)

Cons:
Can create confusion concerning the antecedent (link here)
In first person POV (point of view), "I" can litter the page and distracting (link here)
Incorrect usage of pronouns (link here)

Since being told about this nasty little habit of mine, I've worked hard to eliminate as many proper nouns as I can. The pronoun, after all, is nearly invisible. As a writer, I want my reader's eyes to fly over the pages, devouring my text, not constantly stutter over my MC's name. 

Next week we'll go more in depth on the reasons to use pronouns. 

~I.E.

What do you think? Are there other pros and cons for using or not using pronouns? Feel free to share in the comments section!

How Writing A Novel is Like Running a Half Marathon

I was going to say "marathon," which is probably even more true, but I can't speak to experience, as the farthest I've ever run is a half marathon. Therefore, this post will liken writing a novel to a half marathon instead. 

1. There comes a point where you hit your stride. Every runner has reached it. Even when a run starts off difficult, there usually comes a point where things smooth out. Your breathing stabilizes, your stride becomes fluent, and your arms swing freely. If you're listening to music, you start to get in the zone, you tap a constant rhythm on the concrete. You stop worrying about how hard this is going to be, and focus instead on the here and now, the moment, and how awesome it is that you can kick butt like this. 

The same is true of a novel. The first words on the page may be ripped from you so hard, it leaves you gasping for air. You may not feel comfortable for a large part of your writing. But almost always, there comes a moment when you feel that you've finally hit your stride. You're doing well. You've got this beast under control.  

2. Then, you hit a brick wall. In running, this happens towards the end, when your body is exhausted, and the battle to finish becomes a mental one. You start to psych yourself out. There's no way I can finish this race. 13.1 miles? What on earth was I thinking? How could I ever run that far? Who told me I could do this? They must have been crazy! I can't even take another step, let alone run the next four miles! I should have paced myself slower earlier, now I have nothing left... And on and on it goes.

I find I do the exact same thing in writing a novel. After I get over the hurdle of the first couple chapters and get into stride, I start doubting. I begin to feel the burn and the questions begin to arise. Is the pace too slow, too fast? Should I have included that incident with the llama? Oh, there's so much to do when I get to draft two. If I get to draft two. Can I even get to draft one? I can't even get to the next scene. What's going to happen next? I shouldn't have wasted all my good stuff in the beginning, now I have nowhere to go! Then I begin to wail and gnash my teeth. (Actually, I just close the laptop and walk away.)

3. There comes a point in running where your feet feel like lead weights have been attached to them. It takes every last ounce of your determination to lift your foot and put it back on the ground. I find it helps to not think about what I'm doing, but just to pull my foot off the ground, and let gravity do the rest. Take it one step at a time. After that, there's just one more. And, pretty soon, you'll be flying under the finish line. (Well, certainly not flying in my case.)

In writing, it sometimes feels like your brain is being flattened by lead weights, or your fingertips each have a lead weight attached. This makes writing a coherent sentence next to impossible. But, like in running, where you think one step ahead, in writing, think one word ahead. You can always come up with one more word.

4. You've been pumping along for 12 miles, and then you realize it: there's only 1.1 miles left. You've gotten your second wind. In less than ten minutes, you waltz under the finish line like a bad-ass. And your first thought after passing that line is, "How did I do? How fast did I run?"

When you finish your half-marathon, you have a high which makes you want to immediately look back at your race times. You want to examine the splits and see if you pushed yourself as hard as you could have (because, ultimately, you never do). And, because there's nothing you can do at that moment other than criticize your time, that's what you do.

Likewise in a novel, when you type "The End," you immediately want to turn around and edit the novel. The flaws in timing and conflict, the gaping plot holes, they're all evident the moment you type those two final words. And, if you're anything like me, you want to immediately begin at chapter one and tear it apart with a fine tooth comb. Don't. See number 5.

5. After you complete your half-marathon, you need rest. This means time away from running. In the running world, this is probably a few days (don't quote me if you're marathon training, I'm no expert). Your body absolutely has to recover from this run, especially if it's the first time you've done it.

But when you finally finish writing your novel, whether it's taken you a month of madness like in NaNoWriMo, or if you've been working on it for six months more sporadically, you need a break. Minimum of a month. Put it aside, work on something else. A novella, a short story. Something to keep you from picking at it before you're ready.

You certainly don't have to be a runner to be a writer. But the more I run, the more similarities I see between training to be a better runner and training to be a better writer. They both require discipline and a commitment to succeed. If you want it bad enough, you can do it. I may never run with an Olympian, nor run a half-marathon in one-and-a-half-hours. Likewise, I may never write an award-winning book, nor be on the bestseller list. But I can train with others who challenge me--both in running, and in writing. When you train with others who are better than you, you rise to the challenge. And that is its own reward.

~I.E.