Perfectionism

This month I'm participating in the A to Z Blogger's Challenge, found here. Every day of April (except for Sundays), we are posting a blog with the theme of A to Z.

P is for Perfectionism.

The bane of my existence. At least in writing. 

There are many things I attempt to do well in my life, and some of them I care more about than others. So it only seems apt that in writing I attempt perfectionism more than anywhere else. And thus, I struggle with perfectionism in my writing like I don't anywhere else in my life.

I think people tend to try harder at things they 1) find interesting and 2) are passionate about. Therefore, as writing is one of my great passions, I find it both interesting and am passionate about it. And, unfortunately, that's where perfectionism comes in. 

There are a lot of ways I could take this post on perfectionism. I could discuss the ways to irradicate it in your life. I could discuss techniques to avoid perfectionism or how futile it is to try to be perfect. But I'm not going to discuss any of those. Instead, I'm going to embrace perfectionism. (To a degree.)

When you care so much about something, you struggle to perform well. at the best of your ability. flawlessly. If you're passionate about cars and restoring old cars, you're going to put a lot of time and effort into restoring that car. You'll spend hours upon hours fine-tuning the engine, picking the right shade of paint and making sure every inch of that car shines before you drive it to a car show and ask others to admire it.

That's how I am with my writing. A to Z has been both a blessing and a curse. It's so much pressure for a perfectionist to turn out something worth reading every day (not that everything I've written this April has been worth reading). So I feel the pressure of not only coming up with an appropriate topic, with the appropriate letter theme, but also with writing something coherent and worth reading on said topic. And then posting a piece that I'm not pleased with on the Internet? For all to see? Some days, that's taken about as much courage as I can muster.

But A to Z has been a blessing, too. In some ways, I've shaken off my perfectionism and realized that even an imperfect thought has value. I've connected with people I've never met before over my imperfect thoughts. And how cool is that?

Allow me to be honest. I'm one of those people who finishes tasks early, then sits on them for as long as possible, making tiny changes here and there, just in the hopes of making it perfect before it's finally due. And really, who am I kidding? At least in writing, there will never be a perfect piece.

Well, let me take that back. In writing, it's the imperfections which can often make a piece worth it.

What do I mean by that? Life is full of imperfections. And it's only fair that fiction should also be full of imperfections. Not imperfect plots, not imperfect pacing, not imperfect point of views. But imperfect people. 

Life is characterized by imperfect people making imperfect decisions. So while I'm trying to craft a perfect sentence (because I remain unapologetically a perfectionist like that), I'm also trying to remind myself that life is imperfect. In dialogue, an imperfect sentence may very well speak to the characterization of the speaker. Its imperfections could tell a great deal more about the speaker than I ever could in a page of narration. And the reader will understand that.

Because while I'm stuck trying to have the illusive/nonexistent perfect piece of prose, my imperfect reader is sitting there with the book in their hand thinking, "I'm so glad this character isn't perfect. I'm so glad they made the wrong choice here--I would do the same thing, even though it's stupid."

Above perfect grammar and perfect plots, I want perfectly imperfect people in my novels. Because readers often connect with characters above all.

What do you think? Does perfectionism inhibit you?

~I.E.

Absolution (A to Z Bloggers' Challenge Day 1)

As of last night, I was uncertain if I was going to undertake both Camp NaNoWriMo and the A to Z Blogger's Challenge for the month of April. But I read a post just this morning of a fellow blogger, Joanne Phillips, doing the A to Z Bloggers' Challenge, and her first post was "Aim high." After that call to arms, how can I not attempt both Camp NaNo and A to Z? 

A IS FOR "Absolution." 

There are several reasons I've chosen absolution to start of this challenge with. With such lofty goals for April ahead of me, I feel absolution is absolutely necessary. Absolution is a "formal release from guilt, obligation, or punishment." (Source: Oxford Online Dictionary.) With that definition in mind, it's only natural for me to absolve myself from guilt and punishment this month of April.

Note that I did not absolve myself from obligation this month. In fact, I've given myself a lot of obligation. For me,  an intermittent blogger at best, I must rise to the challenge of commitment.

However, there are several things that I feel I do need to absolve myself from this month, and forever, really. 

Fear:

This is a big one for me. Not that I am a particularly fearful person, but in terms of sharing my writing, there are several things I do fear. I fear failure, I fear ridicule of others, I fear putting my work out there and being told it's not good enough. I could list a million more things concerning my writing which I fear, but I don't think it's good to focus on the bad. Instead, I want to focus on the fact that I am absolving myself from these fears. I can throw them aside and I refuse to let them control me and my writing. I will take chances and put my work out for others to read. I will pursue paths that I ordinarily wouldn't just to laugh at fear in the face.

Lingering on First Drafts:

Ugh, this is a big one. And a timely one. My first NaNoWriMo taught me a lot about getting the words out on the page. If there's some coal, there's probably a diamond hidden in there somewhere. That is, as long as I have a lot of words (my coal), then there's a chance that I can find the words to keep (the diamonds). But first drafts never live up to my expectations. My first drafts always need a lot of work, and some need more work than others. But NaNo taught me to get the words down and worry about revision later. 

Perfection:

All right. I'm a perfectionist. Not in everything, but in writing, I am undoubtedly a perfectionist. The problem is, that I tend to lend myself to criticism. Oh, all right. I abandon myself to criticism. Perhaps that's why I find critiquing others' work both so rewarding and so hair-tearingly annoying. It's never good enough. That goes for my work and the work of others. The problem with perfectionists is that they hold themselves to such high—often unreasonable—standards, that they tend to hold others to those same unreasonable standards. In other words, it's never, ever good enough. But if you've been at the hand of my critiques, don't despair. I apply the same high standards to myself. No wonder I'm such a compulsive line-editor.

Mistakes:

At first glance, mistakes may seem to be a synonym for perfectionism. But it's not. We all make mistakes. Mistakes can be both deliberate (where you know you aren't doing the right thing and do it anyways) and accidental (where you think you may be doing the right thing, but it turns out you didn't). But the thing about mistakes in writing, is that sometimes, they can be the diamond in the rough. There are times where I've thought I've made a mistake and then returned to the novel to realize that my "mistake" is the one thing that is actually going right in that novel. The other stuff, the path I thought the novel was going down, was the dust, the distraction, and the "mistake" was what I found I absolutely had to pursue. So I hereby absolve myself from making mistakes, in the hopes that I make a few good ones along the way.

So for the month of April (at least), I intend to absolve myself not from obligation, but from fear, lingering on first drafts, perfectionism and making mistakes.

What are some things you resolve to absolve yourself from this April?

Today is the last day to sign up for the A to Z Challenge.

~I.E.