What Makes You Read About Someone Else's Life?

What with the birth of the newest UK royal, I've been thinking about what it is about the royals that fascinates people on a whole. Why do we still have monarchies in developed countries? Why are people willing to admire someone else simply for their genealogy or because they are in a position of power? But more so, why do people want to follow these people online via blogs, newspapers, pictures, etc?

Take Princess Catherine for example. She's beautiful, she's common, she's the girl-next-door turned biggest fashion icon of the decade. The media buzz around her as bees around flowers. She's got that je ne sais quoi.

What all this media hype really got me thinking about is how many novels center around royalty and fame. Many historical authors are famous for chronicling not normal people's lives, but royal lives. Today, it seems that celebrities are the royalty of the world. I'm not going to lie, I enjoy a bit of celebrity gossip every now and then, even though I don't care to meet any of these people. But there's a certain disconnect from the "glamor" of their lives and the mundane of mine. It's that very disconnect which makes me interested in them. I cannot imagine existing in that lifestyle--and I don't--so I'll read about it instead.

There are many actors that I will read an article about and be fascinated with. Despite my mild interest in their lives, I may not care for what I know about that person's character, and I have a feeling I would despise them if I knew them personally. (No, I won't name names, that's not my point.) But this leads me to the question: would I be willing to read a book about a character like them? Probably.

People like to read about lives different than theirs. What is more different than celebrities or royals? Essentially, those are real people put into a completely foreign way of life. People read in order to experience those other lives. Every book I read puts me in the life of a new person. I want that person to be quite different from me. I need to connect with them, but I do want their lives to surprise me, to be different from "the norm." I don't want to read about someone going to work unless they uncover their boss committing a crime, or they are madly in love with their engaged coworker, etc., etc. If all they do is go to work, clock in, work, clock out and go home--why am I reading? Why would I want to read about a life that isn't very different from my own?

This leads me to my WIP, of course, because nearly everything in my life makes me think of fiction (more specifically how I can improve my fiction). One of my more recent WIPs has a main character with famous parents. By default, she has a certain amount of fame. Now, I'm not naive enough to think that's enough of a hook for a reader. However, it can add certain amounts of complications. And those complications are of much greater weight if the entire world is watching. Fame throws a wrench into many plans, especially if the plan involves a secret. And that is a recipe rife for disaster. And aren't disaster and conflict the reasons we read? 

So while I am content to read about famous people, perhaps a famous character or two in my WIPs add opportunity for conflict that will keep the reader reading.

~I.E.

Yearning, or What Your Character Wants Most

Only two days left of Blogging from A to Z. I'm going to miss the challenge of coming up with something to write about nearly every day. But, it'll be nice to breathe again!

Without further ado…

Y is for Yearning

Have you ever wanted something really badly? I mean, really, really badly?

Everyone has longed for something at some point in their life. It could be something good, like a relationship, a child, their dream job, an iPad, or simply wanting to pay the bills. Or you could want something bad, like your best friend's wife, or that third piece of chocolate cheesecake.

In writing a novel, every character needs to have a yearning for something. A character's wants are what drive the story forward. What does Katniss Everdeen want? To survive the hunger games and protect her family. What does Harry Potter want? To destroy Lord Voldemort and live his life in peace. What does Lizzie Bennet want? To marry a good man for love (and it would help if he's rich).

Notice anything in common about these wants? All the characters' wants are being denied. A want only drives the novel forward if it is thwarted. If the yearning is satisfied, then it disappears. It drops out of the plot and the character does not need to act to get it. In other words, don't give your character what she wants--take it away from her instead. Or make her yearn for something new. And don't let her have that, either.

It's the best way to get a novel's plot moving: get your character yearning for something that she cannot have.

Do you know what your character wants?

~I.E.

Under-Developing Your Novel

This month I'm participating in the A to Z Blogger's Challenge, found here. Every day of April (except for Sundays), we are posting a blog with the theme of A to Z.

U is for Under-developing Your Novel 

We've all heard about underdeveloped characters and plots and how that's a total faux pas. However, there are times when under-developing, or under-explaining, is preferable.

What do I mean by this?

Let's start with character development. We all want a well-developed character. We need to know enough about the protagonist, or even the antagonist, in order to identify with them and to find their actions believable.

Revealing a character can be done in two ways:

1. Showing

2. Telling

Was that too obvious?

Allow me to explain a bit. Showing the reader your characters means that the reader is being asked to discern what the character is like by the character's actions and reactions, thoughts and beliefs.

Telling the reader about your character means that you use narrative, other character's dialogue, or the character themselves to explain to the reader exactly how the character is.

We've all heard the adage, "show, don't tell," which by now has become cliché. Yet all clichés, just like all stereotypes, have a vein of truth in them.

In this case, as with most of your novel, showing is the preferable way to reveal your character. However, that's not to say telling is never acceptable. Telling must be done with caution and in keeping with the voice of the novel. 

For example, an omniscient narrator can better reveal a character trait of the protagonist (and especially the antagonist) than a first person narrator can state about him- or herself. I don't walk around telling people, "I can be vindictive and hold a grudge." If your character does that, your reader is going to be surprised or even skeptical. But I may very well reveal this character trait about myself when someone wrongs me. (And I'm just using those traits as an example...I like to think I am neither vindictive nor a grudge-holder.)

As much as possible, show the reader your character, revealing them through actions and reactions, thoughts and beliefs.

Under-description

(or "sometimes, less is more")

This is the: "what was that about under-developing a novel?" section.


Part of the reason that showing the reader your character, asking them to discern what that person is like, is better than telling is because when you lapse into telling, it can quickly get repetitive and boring. 


The reader doesn't need to know every inch of a character's body, nor every twitch of their muscles. All we need to know is enough to put a picture in our mind—and one reader is allowed to have a slightly different picture than another. This is why so many readers watch the movie version and say, "that wasn't how I pictured it."

I mean, really--how annoying is it when you're told every single action of a character?

E.g.

"John pushed his barrel-chested body into the air, his dusty brown hair falling into his eyes. He brushed it back impatiently with a meaty hand, then crossed to the door with a determined stride. His feet made heavy thuds on the carpeted floor in his irrational anger."

Too much? Definitely.

How about:

"John stood up, his brown hair falling into his eyes. He brushed it back impatiently, then crossed to the door with a determined stride. His feet made heavy thuds on the carpeted floor in his irrational anger."

Too much? Maybe.

What about:

"John rose and brushed back his hair impatiently. His feet made heavy thuds as he crossed the room in his irrational anger."

Too little? It certainly doesn't seem like too much.

And yet, I'm willing to bet that there would be someone out there who might disagree and say that it still is too much. (And that may very well depend on whether John rising and crossing the room is important at all!)

But therein lies the difficulty of writing. When is enough? When is too much? Unfortunately, there is no magic formula, like subject + adverb + adjective + verb can only be used be used once a page, or once in 250 words. No, writing is far too subjective for that kind of formula. But therein also lies the art of writing, which is what I love the writing craft for.

As authors, we need to leave some of the picture up to the reader's imagination. The amazing thing about reading is that when we reread a book, we can picture the story slightly different every time. As authors, we must give the reader enough to offer a picture, but refrain from over-describing the world.

What do you think? I'd love to hear from you in the comments section. 

Is there such a thing as under-development? Or over-development? What makes a novel or its characters under- or over-developed to you? Have you ever read a book that didn't satisfy because of under- or over-development?

~I.E.

Knots

Life is full of knots. Those kinks in the rope of life which interfere with your goals. Every time the rope begins to run quickly through your hands, your fingers catch on a knot. Each knot is a different size, a unique challenge. Some force you to unknot them before you can continue, while some are mere snags in the rope.

In the same way, literature is full of knots. Or, it should be. Every time a character's life seems to be going well, every time the character is getting what she wants, she should have her rope knotted. The knots should be varied in size, big, small, in-between. Some should require stopping, or turning back, while others should be more easily overcome.

There are a million different types of knots to throw at your characters--sailor knots, decorative knots, climbing knots, etc.--and each has their own level of complexity. It's up to the author to determine how complex a character's knot should be. In a novel, they should not only be varied in size, but unevenly spaced.

When a novel's storyline is successfully scattered with knots, it is full of twists, turns and cliff-hangers. Knots are what keep the reader reading. Knots are what show the reader the real character.

And because my current knot is in the form of a head cold, complete with a migraine, that's all for today.

I leave you with some pictures of cool knots and links for how to make them.

Source Animated Knots by Grog shows you how to complete these knots.

Source

Source: Animated Knots by Grog

~I.E.

Applying the DISC Personality Test to Your Character

"Character gives us qualities, but it is in actions—what we do—that we are happy or the reverse...All human happiness and misery take the form of action."

- Aristotle

Over March, I've posted a break-down of the DISC personality test in terms of each type of person values. This is a personality test that is used by psychologists today, and I'm convinced that using it in my novels can create dimension to my characters that I otherwise might not have considered. Since the A to Z Bloggers' Challenge gives us Sundays off, I figured I'd use the first Sunday of April to address how we might use the DISC personality test to apply to our fictional characters. 

Characters are the most important thing in a novel, I think. Some of the more plot-driven novels might get away with a cardboard cutout of a character, but even those benefit by character development. Unless you're in it only for the action, the character is vital to the novel and must be fully fleshed out.

This fleshing out of characters should include the author knowing much more about their characters than ever gets put into the novel (see April 1st's post for a character worksheet). It's not necessary that the reader know what happened the first day of second grade for your protagonist (unless, of course, it pertains to the plot), but it may be nice for you to know how that day shaped your character. 

Most novels cover a very short span of the main character's (MC's) life, and the rest of the life doesn't matter to the plot. That doesn't excuse the author from knowing their characters' pasts though.

I mentioned in the first DISC post here, that a person can fall into multiple DISC categories. This leaves endless variations of characters to create. 

So how you use the DISC test may depend on how you write. Personally, I need to see my characters before I can start writing a story. I may have a general outline in my head of what is going to happen to this character, but before I put my first word down on the page, I need an idea—even a loose one—of who my main character is. DISC can help with that.

Let's say I'm going to have my MC save the world in one way or another. Perhaps it's a crime drama, where the heroine single-handedly defeats the antagonist, an evil, drug-lord mastermind. It's unlikely that a high C or S personality, who would avoid or acquiesce in response to confrontation, would make a good protagonist. (Keep in mind that they could always start out that way and change in their character arc throughout the novel.) So we look at the D or I personality, who either becomes autocratic or attacks in the face of conflict. In this circumstance, the latter would probably be best. 

But let's look at the D personality a bit more…the D is results oriented (that could help save the world) and tends to be impulsive (well, that could cause a lot of conflict), they are driven to action (definitely needed in such a plot), they are persistent (that might be good), and like to have control (that wouldn't hurt—if they're the good guy or girl). While most of the above are the positive traits of a D, some of their weaknesses would be insensitivity, impatience and inflexibility (well, those could hurt a save-the-world mission, couldn't they?).

Looking back at the I personality, we see that while they attack under tension, they are motivated by recognition and approval (all right, well, the adoration of the people they save could be good), they are optimistic (that could help in facing down death and overcoming the odds), while being personable and enthusiastic (that might not be bad, either, they could charm people with their enthusiasm, perhaps?), and they, most of all like to have fun (maybe they'd find saving the world fun?). Some of their weaknesses would be a tendency to over-sell themselves, manipulate others, jump to conclusions, and not follow through. (The ability to manipulate others wouldn't seem like a weakness with this plot, but jumping to conclusions and lack of follow-through certainly would be. What if Frodo got halfway to Mount Doom and decided he just didn't want to do it anymore?)

Both Is and Ds, depending on how you spin the character, seem innately qualified to save the world. If you wanted to make a superhero, you could pick only the best for your character and there'd be no chance of failure. However, people aren't really like that, and people undoubtedly fail at some point in achieving their goals, so we need to create a well-rounded person.

To create a realistic character, we should give them a mixture of strengths and weaknesses. If we gave our I-D character impulsivity, a drive to act, a need to control the situation and lack of follow-through, they'd have a fighting chance while being their own worst enemy. Presto, an "I-D" character outline to go with my ever-so-brief plot outline.

But to give the novel even more conflict—since pages turn with conflict—we could pair them with a sidekick who is a by-the-book C personality. This C character would be outraged by the I-D's impulsivity and demand that the protagonist think about that cliff they're going to jump off. The C sidekick would shrink in the face of conflict (unless the C character is convinced he/she is right). But when C is convinced of the I-D protagonist's world-saving course, they would be a wonderful sidekick who lends their support. They just have to believe in the cause first—and that might be a problem with our impulsive, results-oriented, controlling I-D protagonist who doesn't get bogged down with the details.

Although this method far from develops every aspect of a character, it doesn't touch on hobbies or history, I think there's much value in knowing the personality traits of your character and how they would react to a situation or another type of person. 

~I.E.

A Worksheet for Creating and Developing Your Characters

In case you didn't know, National Novel Writing Month, otherwise known as NaNoWriMo, isn't Camp NaNoWriMo goes on during the months of April and July. As I've been preparing for Camp NaNoWriMo, I am reminded of how much about my protagonist and antagonist I need to know before I write my first word today.

I always like to have a worksheet for my characters, and these get constantly updated with pertinent information as I write. Since I use Scrivener, I can directly link new information to my character worksheet.

So I've developed a worksheet to use for both developing and keeping track of my characters.

NAME:

If female--Maiden name?

ROLE:

Role in story (protagonist, antagonist, minor character, etc.):

Goal in story (i.e. what is my character trying to accomplish?):

WORK

-Occupation:

How long have they worked at their current job?

Is this their dream job, or would they rather be doing something else?

How does my character get along with his or her co-workers? Boss?

-Education:

Where

What subject(s)

Experience

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE:

-Clothing: 

What does my character wear to work?

What does my character wear at home?

How does my character come off to others by their dress? Polished? Rumpled? Enviable?

-Hair:

What style of haircut? 

How does my character wear it to work? 

How does my character wear it at home? 

Do they dye their hair or keep it natural?

-If female--Makeup styles (day and night):

PERSONALITY:

Reaction in a Crisis or Under Stress?

Interaction with someone he/she doesn't like?

Interaction with someone he/she does like?

What does my character value in his/herself? Is it the same as what they admire in others?

What is my Character's Biggest Fear?

How Does my Character Speak?

-What kind of vocabulary does he or she have?

-What does his or her voice sound like?

What is my Character's Biggest Strength?

What is my Character's Biggest Weakness?

Fatal Flaw(s):

How does it influence the story?

Does my Character Come off Differently to Men and Women--in either personality or appearance?

INNER CONFLICT(S):

-What does my character really want?

Can they ever have it? Why or why not?

EXTERNAL CONFLICT(S):

-What or who is keeping my character from their goal in this novel?

BACKSTORY:
-Here is a place to summarize anything about your character that might be applicable to the story.


This worksheet should give you a solid start to your character. You don't have to fill out all of it, but it helps to think about these questions so that you know most of these things about your characters. A lot of this may not be written into your novel (and probably shouldn't be), but the more you know about your character, the more real they will appear on the pages.


~I.E.

Knowing Your Characters Post 4: DISC Personality Test (Compliance)

This is the fourth post in a 4-part series concerning knowing your characters, and using a personality test to do so (in this case, the DISC personality test).

First post, we covered the "D" in DISC, which is titled Dominance or Drive. (Relating to a person's control, assertiveness and power.)

Our second post covered the "I" in DISC, which is called Inducement or Influence. (Relating to a person's behavior in social situations and manners of communication.)

The third post covered the "S" in DISC, which is called Submission or Steadiness. (Relating to a person's patience, persistence and thoughtfulness.)

This is our final post, and will cover the "C" in DISC, which is called Compliance or Conscientiousness. (Relating to a person's structure and organization.)

A high "Compliance" character breaks down as follows:

Monica Gellar, played by Courtney Cox on Friends is
an example of a highly organized individual concerned
both with being right and doing things correctly.

Motivated by: Being right and Quality

Best Environment: Clearly defined, Requires precision, and Provides reassurance

Accepts: methods

Rejects: lack of quality

Major Strengths: Orderly, Thorough, and Analytical

Major Weaknesses: Picky, Too detailed, Too cautious

Under tension behaves: Avoid

Would Benefit from: Declaring the issue

Their ideal world is where they: have excellence, can do it the "right way," and are able to research things.

Greatest fear: being wrong or being criticized.

Classic DISC patterns:
Objective Thinker: high "Compliance," low or zero in other columns
Creative: highest in "Compliance," second highest in "Dominance"
Appraiser: highest in "Compliance," second highest in "Inducement"
Perfectionist: equal in "Submission" and "Compliance"
Practitioner: highest in "Compliance," second highest equal in "Compliance" and "Inducement"

High "Compliance" characters tend to listen well. In order to communicate, they need people who will critique them.

High "Compliance" characters tend to be reluctant in making decisions and research their decisions before making them. They need someone who will reassure them that their decision is right.

High "Compliance" characters tend to emphasize the past. They need someone else who will be thorough in their relationship with them.

High "Compliance" characters tend to emotionally evaluate others. They need to feel safe and secure in their relationships with others.

High "Compliance" characters tend to be socially hesitant. They want to feel accepted by others.

In order to convince these characters of something, they need someone to tell them how to do something.

In order to disagree with these characters, the other must bring facts to the table. A "Compliance" character is convinced only by facts.

Knowing Your Characters Post 3: DISC Personality Test (Submission)

This is the third post in a 4-part series concerning knowing your characters, and using a personality test to do so (in this case, the DISC personality test).

First post, we covered the "D" in DISC, which is titled Dominance or Drive. (Relating to a person's control, assertiveness and power.)

Our second post covered the "I" in DISC, which is called Inducement or Influence. (Relating to a person's behavior in social situations and manners of communication.)

This post will cover the "S" in DISC, which is called Submission or Steadiness. (Relating to a person's patience, persistence and thoughtfulness.)

The final post will cover the "C" in DISC, which is called Compliance or Conscientiousness. (Relating to a person's structure and organization.)

A high "Submission" character breaks down as follows:

Motivated by: Relationships and Appreciations 

Best Environment: Requires specialization, Opportunity to work with a group, Consistent and predictable

Accepts: friendship

Rejects: conflict

Major Strengths: Supportive, Agreeable, Loyal

Major Weaknesses: Conforming, Retiring, Missed Opportunities

Under tension behaves: Acquiesce

Would Benefit from: Initiating

Rachel Green (played by Jennifer Aniston) in Friends,
could be considered a submissive character.

Their ideal world is where they: have peace, can do things the same way, and watch things.

Greatest fear: losing relationships and stability.

Classic DISC patterns:
Specialist: high "Submission," low or zero in other columns
Achiever: highest in "Submission," second highest in "Dominance"
Agent: highest in "Submission," second highest in "Inducement"
Perfectionist: equal in "Submission" and "Compliance"
Investigator: highest in "Inducement," second highest equal in "Compliance" and "Dominance"

High "Submission" characters tend to listen well. In order to communicate, they need people who will talk.

High "Submission" characters tend to be reluctant and relational in their decision-making. They need someone with patience who will warn them about their decisions.

High "Submission" characters tend to emphasize the present. They tend to linger in the present, and need someone who is unhurried.

High "Submission" characters tend to be emotionally warm. They need other warm people.

High "Submission" characters tend to build relationships. They like to have more time with fewer people.

In order to convince these characters of something, they need someone to ask them why they think the way they do.

In order to disagree with these characters, the two must disagree together. The Submission personality needs to know that they are on the same page with the other person.

Next time: Compliance/Conscientiousness

Knowing Your Characters Post 2: DISC Personality Test (Inducement)

This is the second in a 4-part series concerning knowing your characters, and using a personality test to do so (in this case, the DISC personality test).


In the first post, we covered the "D" in DISC, which is titled Dominance or Drive. (Relating to a person's control, assertiveness and power.)

This post will cover the "I" in DISC, which is called Inducement or Influence. (Relating to a person's behavior in social situations and manners of communication.)

The third post will cover the "S" in DISC, which is called Submission or Steadiness. (Relating to a person's patience, persistence and thoughtfulness.)

The final post will cover the "C" in DISC, which is called Compliance or Conscientiousness. (Relating to a person's structure and organization.)

A high "Influence" character breaks down as follows:

Motivated by: Recognition and Approval

Oprah Winfrey would be considered an influential character.

Best Environment: One with a Friendly Atmosphere, the Freedom from Control and Detail, and Opportunity to Influence Others

Accepts: Involvement with others

Rejects: Isolation

Major Strengths: Optimistic, Personable, Enthusiastic

Major Weaknesses: Over-selling, Manipulative, Lack of follow-through

Under tension behaves: Attacks

Would Benefit from: Pausing

Their ideal world is where they: Can have fun, Complete challenges in an exciting way, and Have dreams.

Greatest fear: Losing face or social approval.

Classic DISC patterns:
Promoter: high "Inducement," low or zero in other columns
Inspirational: equal emphasis on "Inducement" and "Dominance"
Persuader: highest in "Inducement," second highest in "Dominance"
Counselor: highest in "Inducement," second highest in "Submission"
Appraiser: highest in "Inducement," second highest in "Compliance"

High "Inducement" characters tend to communicate in an enthusiastic, one-way fashion, i.e., they do not listen well (but do it with enthusiasm!). In order to communicate with them, they need to feel they have an audience.

High "Inducement" characters tend to be intuitive in their decision-making. They need someone else to be the fact-checker.

High "Inducement" characters tend to emphasize the future. From others, they want a fellow dreamer.

High "Inducement" characters tend to have emotional highs and lows. They need someone with flexibility.

High "Inducement" characters tend to be a people gatherer. In order for connection, they need access to people.

In order to convince these characters of something, they need to know who else agrees with them.

In order to disagree with these characters, one first must agree with them, and then give them time and space to move on to their next big dream. Don't bother smashing their dreams, but let them come to the conclusion on their own that their dream won't work, and they'll move on to the next.


Next time: Submission/Steadiness

Knowing Your Characters Post 1: DISC Personality Test

I recently had the opportunity to take the DISC Personality test, and I was both amused and impressed by how accurate it was for myself.

This is a simple assessment where one circles a word or selects an answer out of four options which best describe them. For example, you may be given these four words: Cautious, Even-Tempered, Decisive, and Life-of-the-Party. You would circle the one that best describes you (and sometimes it's hard!) 

These answers are then ascribed to 1 of 4 personalities: Dominance (or Drive), Inducement (or Influence), Submission (or Steadiness), and Compliance (or Conscientiousness).

Most people are a mixture of all four personalities, and some may tie for two or more personalities. The minority of people are 100% one personality, and there are some who are high in one column and lower in the others. When I took this test, I was very high in Compliance (18/24 points), and my next highest rating was a 3 in Submission, followed by a 2 in Dominance and a 1 in Inducement. I am in the minority in having such a high number.

It was amazing how accurate this was, and how the statements given for Compliance absolutely fit into my life. But what I was thinking as I discovered this about myself, was that I should do this for each one of the characters that I ever write.

Since this may be long, I am going to post it in four parts, one for each type of personality. Today, we'll discuss what makes a "Dominance" character.

DISC:

First post, we will cover the "D" in DISC, which is titled Dominance or Drive. (Relating to a person's control, assertiveness and power.)

Our second post will cover the "I" in DISC, which is called Inducement or Influence. (Relating to a person's behavior in social situations and manners of communication.)

The third post will cover the "S" in DISC, which is called Submission or Steadiness. (Relating to a person's patience, persistence and thoughtfulness.)

The final post will cover the "C" in DISC, which is called Compliance or Conscientiousness. (Relating to a person's structure and organization.)

A high "Dominance" character breaks down as follows:

Motivated by: Results and Challenge

Best Environment: One with Continual challenges, and the Freedom to Act and has Variety

Accepts: the difficult

Rejects: inaction

Major Strengths: Getting things done, Decisive, Persistent

Major Weaknesses: Insensitive to others, Impatient, over-looks risks and/or facts, Inflexible and unyielding

Hitler could be considered a "Dominance" character.

Under tension behaves: Autocratically

Would Benefit from: Listening

Their ideal world is where they are: in control, can do it their way, are able to change things

Greatest fear: losing control, or losing a challenge

Classic DISC patterns:
Developer: high "Dominance," low or zero in other columns
Inspirational: equal emphasis on "Dominance" and "Influence"
Results Oriented: highest in "Dominance," second highest in "Influence"
Achiever: highest in "Dominance," second highest in "Submission"
Creative: highest in "Dominance," second highest in "Compliance"

High "Dominance" characters tend to communicate in a one-way fashion, i.e., they do not listen well. In order to communicate with them, another character would need to be direct and to the point.

Cleopatra could also be considered a "Dominance" character.

High "Dominance" characters tend to be impulsive in their decision-making. All they want from someone else is the details.

High "Dominance" characters tend to emphasize the present moment (the now). From others, they want efficiency.

High "Dominance" characters tend to be emotionally detached and independent. They do not want others to dig into their personal lives.

High "Dominance" characters tend to be socially selective. In order to connect to them, another character needs to bring them out socially.

These characters can be convinced that their way is the best way, and they don't want to change to accommodate someone else's views. In order to convince them to change, they need to know the benefit to the proposed change.

In order to disagree with these characters, one first must compliment them, and admit that their way is best--then ask them why it is best and have them try to convince you.


Next time: Inducement/Influence

Losing = Gaining (WEverb Days 10 & 11)

Day 10:
I suppose that good-byes are a part of life. I've never really been much affected by them. I'm one of those independent people who rarely get tearful at good-byes, and rarely miss people when they're gone.

Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and family, but I guess I just don't depend on them for my happiness. 

That can go a few ways, I suppose. But that's not the point of this post. 

The point is, I did have to say good-bye to someone this year. 

And I really miss them.

This was not someone that I've known for a long time, relatively speaking. In fact, she was a new friend, one that I've known for less than a year and a half. 

But you know how it is when you meet someone you connect with instantly? Where you totally get that person? Where you love to meet with them and talk with them because they get you, too? 

Yeah. That was this friend.

I knew that she would not be here for long. She and her husband are missionaries, and they're heading to Africa in six months' time. So I knew, when I entered into this friendship, that she would be moving out of the state in a year or so. But what I didn't know was how much I'd enjoy her company.

Conversations, arguments, laughter, book clubs, Bible studies, game nights. Everything was made sweeter with her presence. And now, everything is just a little bit darker.

I know I'll get to see her again. They have plans to visit the States periodically. But who knows where I'll be at that time? Who knows what will happen? 

Yet on the whole, I'm not sad. I feel honored. I have made a friendship which will span the globe, a friendship that will always remain dear to me, no matter how far apart we are.

Day 11:

Oh, what a question. I suppose I could take this one a couple of ways: "richer/poorer" in the sense of personal growth, or "richer/poorer" in the sense of financial status.

The most obvious: financial.

Honestly? I think that's a wash. 

We've had a lot of financial struggles this year. Ceiling leaks (multiple), personal injuries (multiple), dog injuries (multiple), car expenses (multiple)... Lots and lots of things which, independently, don't make much a fuss, but when taken as a whole, cause an awful lot of grief.

So I'm going to say that I'm richer. 

Not the answer you were expecting? 

Well, allow me to explain.

True riches are never financial. Financial gain is nice and all, but money doesn't solve my problems for me. And it's certainly not what I want to focus my life on. It's personal gain and strength of character which truly enriches your life.

All right, the list I just gave above doesn't really sound like gain. And there are days where I agree with that. 

But then I try to remind myself that trials and tribulations build character. 

Who knows how one will respond to a situation except by experiencing it?

So I can rest assured as 2013 approaches, I am stronger because of the trials of 2012. 

In 2012, I have developed a character which has stood the test of tribulations. 

And so I will enter 2013 with unexpected strength, even if it means more trials are there to welcome me.